I feel slightly nutty that I went on a rant recently - not realizing that I may actually have been pregnant at the time. But that is the nature of infertility: a fun new adventure every second!
I won't know much until tomorrow's appointment, but at this point I have taken six different pregnancy tests - all with lines - some dark, some faint, some in the middle range. I have ceased running - which I am hating. The husband is out of town and I have spent much of it sobbing or in the throes of jubilation. I have looked at the calendar and thought about at what point I may need a D & C. Alternatively, I have envisioned the husband, the baby and I picnicking in Central Park next summer. I have gone into Baby Gap, "just to look around." I ate an enormous, nine dollar slice of chocolate cake at the Museum of Modern Art on Sunday because "I'm pregnant and I deserve it." I have been downing calcium enriched orange juice and ceased drinking the beloved diet soda. I have tried not to look at all those damn pregnancy books but I find myself flipping through them nonetheless. I have learned that if I really am pregnant, the current size of these wondrous dividing cells is half the size of the "o" on this web page. I have felt nauseous more than once--but wonder if it is psychosomatic. I have not had the, um, bathroom issues that I had in the previous pregnancies. Perhaps that is good--but perhaps it is not. I have had no more spotting. And I have begun to feel tired. But not terribly so. Not yet, anyway.
It is a waiting game. And I know the drill by now. Beta. Doubling? Sonogram. Heart flicker? Still there? Growth?
We'll see.
No cause for celebrations at this point - but hoping, hoping, hoping.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
10 comments:
Wow. Uh well something is starting in there. All I can say is that I know how hard this is to have hope and to believe. It is so scary and hard after all that you've been through BUT it can happen. I'm still shocked everyday that it happened for me but it did and it can for you too. Sometimes it just works. I'll be thinking of you..ALOT!
ALICE! yea! that's fantastic.
i'm glad you had some celebratory cake at the moma. fingers crossed for you!
congratulations alice. I do so hope something sticks for the long term this time.
Alice, that's so exciting. I am going to eat some cake, too, in your honor.
Wow, what wonderful news! I am hoping for you, too... Please keep us updated.
P.S. I loved your analogy to peeing on a stack of money in your previous post. It made me laugh.
I have treated myself to that chocolate cake at MoMA because I *wasn't* pregnant, and it was still delicious.
When I was pregnant my mantra was "cautiously optimistic" but I would swing between euphoria and severe depression in a matter of minutes, so you are not unusual.
hoping, hoping, hoping - me too, hon. i hope this is it for you.
Holy cow Alice! This is just fantastic news! I know you must be scared and nervous but I'm thinking of you and praying that this little one sticks around for the long haul, you deserve this now!
No more spotting is encouraging.
I know how you feel...you want to be happy, you want to believe, but experience has taught you that nothing good can come of anything.
But it can. Hopefully NOW it can. :)
holy cow, i missed! i am hoping, hoping, hoping with you....
oh, i hope, i hope.
xoxox
christina
Post a Comment