Try My New Diet Plan! Lose ZERO Pounds! Yes, ZERO Pounds!

All you have to do is do the exact same thing you've always been doing and wonder why the pounds aren't melting off! It's really just that simple! I have been trying for sometime to get my body mass index (BMI) to a healthy under 25 (24.8, actually). For the past few years, my BMI has ranged from about 23.9 to 24.8. I wasn’t joyously wearing bikinis around town, but it was acceptable and healthy. Currently, however, my BMI is hovering around 26.6. I have been the exact same weight since, oh, I began attending those famous meetings in January. It is highly embarrassing. Mortifying really. My weight did change, however, for about five minutes, when I was sick. I lost four pounds and there was much cheering from the nice lady at the scale. That was two weeks ago. I didn’t go last week, because my weight had creeped right back up again. I thought that I could get it back down this week, but alas, the needle is not moving anywhere. It’s steady, steady, steady. I am greatly concerned about becoming pregnant at my current weight - with the problems I’ve had before (at a normal weight) I would like to at least limit the risk for complications associated with obesity. It is, I suppose, the one thing that I can control. Although in the past I led a fairly active lifestyle–I ran about six days a week, I now lead a predominantly sedentary one. If I am not sitting at my desk drafting documents, I am sitting in the car listening to podcasts on my iPod on the radio (cool new gadget, by the by--try Savage Love, Leonard Lopate or Just Relax, It'll Happen). When I get home, I am loathe to run on a treadmill or out in the cold. This is unusual for me. I used to think people were ridiculous when they said that they were too tired or didn’t have the time or it was too dark or too cold or whatever for exercise. I would smugly tell them that it has to be a priority, that it’s about your health and that it feels great. What a wanker. Now I leave the house before 7 am. I get home around 7 pm. I am perfectly, utterly exhausted by the time I get home. I read blogs, laze about, watch Jeopardy. I do believe that unless I want to consume under 900 calories a day (which I decidedly do not) I am going to have to increase my activity in order to lose that weight. And the clock is ticking. I am going to be 35 in a few months. Yep, another risk factor. Age. Yee haw! I’ve considered getting up at 5 am to run - but I’m not entirely comfortable running outdoors at that time of day. And I am not a morning person. My gym also doesn’t open until 6 am. I’ve considered getting up before 6 am, getting on all my workout garb, dashing over there (the long (short!) walk around the corner), running on the treadmill for thirty minutes, racing back home, jumping in the shower and skedaddling by 6:45 am. It sounds difficult but not entirely impossible. I have gone running immediately after work, outside at a school nearby. But that puts me home even later–which makes me cranky. I have managed to run once I get home, but this has been a rarity. In fact, last night I was motivated, managed to get myself to the gym (at 8 pm) and it was closed. There had been a small fire (no one was injured) and the sprinkler system had gone off (thankfully) but the entire facility was drenched in water. I’ve thought about purchasing a treadmill. I could run early and "in the convenience of my own home!" but it costs a small fortune and I don’t really need more furniture or clothing racks taking up space in my small abode. Currently, I run Saturday and Sunday and generally manage to get in one day during the work week. I actually really enjoy exercising. Occasionally I will take a walk during lunch. I am not in favor of running during lunch (although it wouldn’t be an entirely bad idea) due to the whole stinking up the place aspect. Anyway, the bottom line is I’m just going to have to make myself do it–and probably at night when I get home. It used to be routine, exercising, like brushing my teeth. So, I have to just make it routine again. If anyone has any advice, I’m all ears (except "get your fat ass to the gym, fatty!" I’ve already heard that one, from my own mouth.). Then it's onto attempting to combat my tendency towards utter and total slobitude.