Tuesday, January 27, 2009
14 Weeks
I spent fourteen weeks home with the bambino. I'm back at work this week and spent most of last week crying thinking about returning. It's been a rough morning. When I try to talk to the Husband about going back home for three more months or at least going part-time he's incredibly resistant. I don't really understand why. He says things like, "We can't afford it" or "What will that do to your career." It's amazing, because I couldn't care less either way. I never thought I would feel that way - but what's more important than the well-being of my kid? And I'm not talking about taking off six years - that would be a serious financial burden - I'm talking about three more months. Three more little months. And we have savings. And we'd have to do things like not get take out quite so much but that's really hardly a sacrifice. Of course, I have know idea how my boss would react and that does concern me but again, in ten years, will I really care what these people think? I'm trying to continue to breastfeed and its incredibly hard. I don't really have a proper ending here because I have to run out and try to scrounge together some items I neglected to bring with me for the breastfeeding extravaganza . . . but mainly, I just really wish I had had the OVARIES to tell my boss and the Husband that I needed to take off three more months. The Husband is home with him and I think that may be the real reason for the resistance - he hates his job and loathes the idea of going back. However, I don't see why he would have to go back - he's on paternity leave earning an income - why does he have to go back? How lucky would our kid be to have two parents home for three months? Sigh. I know the reality is that I am too scared to ask my boss (even though I'm allowed seven months off under the FMLA) so I'll just continue to come to work, continue to be miserable, continue to feed my kid compromised breastmilk (apparently frozen isn't as good as fresh), continue to feel like this is a mistake.
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10 comments:
Don't approach your boss to say, "I need to take three more months off and you can't stop me!" When he asks you how you're doing--the first week, it's bound to come up--you just say, "Not great. I'm worried, I keep reading that six months is better and, honestly, I feel like I should have taken six months instead of three." Raise the subject that way, in response to a question instead of marching into his office all freaked out.
And as for your husband, he'll just have to deal with it, won't he? Sounds like he's being a jerk.
When it comes right down to it, you need to do what you feel is best.
Good luck!
It certainly sucks.
Is there anyway to compromise? Work part time for awhile? Bring the baby to work? Go home at lunchtime?
I'm sorry. :( I hope you find a good compromise/answer soon!
I'm not a fan of the anonymous approach, sounds too passive.
First I'd try to find some quiet time with your husband (can you get a babysitter?) to talk through what's bothering him about you taking another three months off. There's something going on that you don't understand, and you could discuss the possibility of both of you being at home - my husband and I did that for about 2months and it was wonderful - so relaxing! And it really helped him bond with Pob in a way he hadn't while I was on mat leave but he was workign.
Then I'd have a straight discussion with your boss re options. I made a mistake, I need to take some more time off, how do you think we can work together to make that happen?
FWIW I think the US mat leave is barbaric. It's too too hard to leave a baby at 3 months. I took 7 months and that was ok. I didn't want to go back but I did and surprised myself by how much I enjoyed it when I did go back.
It would be wonderful if you could stay at home for a year (like in Canada at 2/3's pay!!), but since that isn't an option, could you just work mornings (4hs) for the next few months?
Three months is way too young to be leaving your little man:-(
I totally understand the feeling. I hope you can figure out something that works. :)
DO IT. take the time off. you won't regret it. my husband and i are both home with our little boy right now and it's great. our income has been severely slashed, but this only happens once, right? if you can take the time, take it. screw the finances...that will all work itself out.
Baby S is 7 months old and I just now feel like I can leave him. I worked very part-time (2 days/week) but I left him with my mom.
You will never get this time back. Do whatever you can because it sounds like your heart has the answer.
I was thinking about you when I knew you had to go back. I'm sorry that it's turning out to be so hard.
Could you work from home for two or three days a week? Maybe your boss would be open to it if it meant that he/she would lose you again?
It sounds like it means way too much to you to go through the next few months in such misery.
Would your husband have to give up his paternity benefits if the other parent was home? Could that be why he's so resistant?
I hope you can work it out. Good luck, sweetie.
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