IUI #2

So, here we go again. Saw Dr. Superman today. Have three follicles in the good range (I honestly can't remember what they were - something like 20, 21 and 21?). I was a bit surprised that there are three - when I was in on Tuesday Dr. Superman pretty much wrote off the follicle on the left side - somehow, miraculously, it caught up. I'm not sure how to feel - I want to believe, I want to be optimistic, I want to be excited, I want to think good things (because, as we all know, even if it's complete bullsh*t we all succumb to the stupid notion that somehow "positive thinking" will make or break you) but at the same time I want to hold back, because, you know, these things don't always work out . . . there are no guarantees. Even with three, fertilization could not happen. I mean, that's the one thing Dr. Superman talked about with me when I first saw him - how no matter what they do, the actual act of fertilization, why it happens sometimes and why it doesn't other times, is still largely a mystery. Last time I firmly believed it wouldn't work out and, well, now I have a kid, so I think, hey, maybe I need to believe that it won't work in order for it to work. It's annoying, frankly. It would be nice to have something good come out of this truly horrific, horrible week. Would it be weird to name my kid after my dog? You know, if it works out.